Happy Friday January 20th, 2023. I am 41 years 2 months and 5 days old as of today, but I feel like I am at my 70’s. And, my energy is as low as zero. The most frustrating part is: I am unable to process anything creative lately. Hence a huge delay in my writing. Looking back at my old-self. I have been ruthless all my life. I was committed to be not forgiving at all to people who disappointed me JUST once. There was no “second chance” in my dictionary. People came and left as it may pleased. And My door has always been open for anyone. But recently Since I started to feel like calling St. Peters Help Desk wont be too far away, I decided today to reflect on few things I must acknowledge before late.
In last few recent years, something I came to realize was : If you cannot forgive, you cannot sustain love. Sooner or later a loved one will say or do something hurtful. Then a test of love will ensue. Without the aid of forgiveness, you will not be able to right and restore the relationship. Our very ability to forgive is as important as our ability to digest disappointments. and Forgiveness works like a healing balm to the flesh of love.
Also, after all these years I came to understand that : Forgiveness is not just the responsibility of the person offended. It is a process both the wrongdoer and the wronged need to work through together for genuine forgiveness to come about. If the former denies the misdeed, showing neither regret nor a desire to repent, heart-felt forgiveness will not and perhaps should not happen. Yet if the latter refuses to be appeased, regardless of the other’s remorse and repentance, unforgiveness will have hardened another heart. Special thanks to the person who Helped me learn to forgive & learn to genuinely love back a wrongdoer.
You may have similar experiences in your life. Sometimes the one saying, “I’m sorry,” followed by the you saying, “I forgive you,” will suffice for both persons. But for a serious offense (for me accusations of something untrue), a lot more is required. The parties involved need to work through the entire process of making amends to solidify an enduring forgiveness. This process involves a sequence. A process that does not complete over night.
Here are my take a ways from things I learned over the years. First and foremost, before you can learn to forgive, what you need is Awareness. We must be aware of the wrong. And When realize we are wrong, we must be willing to acknowledge it. There is ZERO shame in acknowledgment. Next comes probably the most import part, Communication. This is the most difficult step for most of us. and if we suck at it we fail. To heal the breach, someone who hurt us, we have to let our pain remain as pain, and we must learn to refuse to translate pain into anger, we must speak the truth calmly, succinctly, staying on track. I would say “Silence” works for me. It’s very wise to let your pain rain as pain then bursting out in anger form. But this will depend on person to person and case to case basis. Also Acceptance: we need to feel validated, to believe your grievance is legitimate. I would go and talk to my best first or buddies and take their inputs. We cannot always validate everything on our own. and once an accepted validation comes to shape then comes the output. Finally it comes to down to how we do Reconciliation. now it’s for you to forgive. Your forgiveness may however need to be in stages, especially if this is not the first time the other has committed the offense. It’s perfectly acceptable to grant a conditional forgiveness, like a trial or probationary period. If this seems unfair to the other, it is fair to you – and is necessary if there is to be a restoration of the relationship. Forgiveness takes time and work. Saying “I forgive you” is one thing; letting it work through your system is another.
Lucky for me I searched, prayed, and found, and lost, and found again the one beautiful devilish soul who taught me to learn to forgive. And how to hate, and love back. And I am wishing you all find that kind of soul who would gave you the realizations, Help you understand and guide you to change your mindset for something better. Forgiving another doesn’t necessarily entail going back to the way things were before the offense. This may prove neither possible nor desirable. You may have reached the point of no longer risking trust or intimacy with the other again. Forgiveness would then signify your releasing the past to be the past, and the future to be open to new beginnings. And by so doing, restoring peace to your soul. It’s 5pm and I will end this topic here for now. Need to focus on my weekend chores. Thanks for reading and if this helps anyone’s sinful mind to change, I will consider my writing a great success. Cheers!
Safin