It’s been a while since I last wrote. There are a few reasons why, but I assume significantly this delay & laziness was caused by some blend of changes I noticed in myself lately. Yeah! No drama, but I’m feeling numb in almost every aspect of my life. So the purpose of my writing is to see why I am feeling numb about romanticism. And to self-analyze my scattered ideas in my brain, and things that are happening in life lately.
Let’s start with the very basic law of attraction. I still remember very well the intense psychophysical state of mind when in my college days I had a crush on a Russian classmate. I remember one thing I really liked about her was how heavenly cute she was. And all Those small thoughts of her were completely living in a dreamland. That was my first time learning about the idea of women, and relationships. And we all have had similar experiences in our past. But… Fast forward 20 years, today I sincerely doubt if anyone exists in the universe who would make me feel anything similar or even close to those feelings. And statistically I’m not alone. A big percentage of men and woman feel the same way, numbness!
Anyways. I grew older, things changed, that’s true. But I don’t think it’s acceptable to be completely numb about love & affairs in my early 40’s. I would not consider myself as a man with gamify sex behaviour, which means my numbness is not a result of sexual performance of the woman I’ve been with in recent past. “Women just sucks!” told me a good friend when I ask him about this. Blamed the entire Female population for our numbness. I don’t know if I actually do agree with him or what. So don’t call me sexist.
I firmly believe that I gained a horrible laziness and fear of interacting beyond a certain limit. Something happened to me in the last 10 years that’s made dating someone so much worse. Some people say, probably the only way most women interact with men is by overpromising, forgetting it as quick as possible and then disappearing. I kinda starting to believe that a big percentage of women are really interested in the moment. There is this huge disconnect between women’s feelings and their behaviour and action. So eventually, slow poisoned, I turned numb…
Now this might sound off topic, but I know a friend who goes on a lot of dates with a lot of women why he thinks some people are so flaky. He said it was worth considering the reasons why a guy or a girl might have gone out with someone in the first place, so listed those along with corresponding reasons why they might lose interest and it applies to both male and female:
1. He/She genuinely wants to hang out with a view to pursuing you romantically.
2.He/She was bored at the time of agreeing to go on the date.
3. He/She wants to boost ego by confirming someone is interested in them.
4. He/She was horny and wants to bang.
Now regardless if the above points are correct or wrong, perhaps I better stop inventing pathologies. All these little things that make us numb for romantic connections. I feel sorry for these men and women, But are we really missing out something? I’m still not sure why this has happened. Maybe it’s the way current world revolves or how structure of relationships are built or the dating apps have bred a culture of disposability, or the sheer lack of great men and women. Hence My numbness continues! Thanks for your reading!
Safin